40 By 40 #9: Buy a House
January 21, 2021. I sat in my favorite coffee shop feeling lonely surrounded by people. It had been a rough year, as I previously shared. Just 3 days removed from returning from a Mexico vacation, which like so much of my relationship was great moments broken up by frustration and bickering. I had spent 3 nights in the guest room giving space from what had increasingly felt like a growing divide. I had tried to communicate, to try and tear down the ever growing wall that felt like it only ever got higher. I put my words into an email to send to my partner of 19 years, half my life. I apologized for where I had fallen short, I expressed my feelings, and I asked that we go to counseling to get some help in addressing our problems so that we could bring down the wall and heal and be close again. I got a short reply, simply that we should talk tomorrow. In the moment it felt good, like a relief. We were about to move forward. I just didn’t know that the way forward was down a path I’d never wanted to take.
January 22, 2021. The kids were at school, I paced around the house, anxiously waiting for our talk. She had work to get done, so it had to wait. Finally it was time. We sat on the bed. “I want a divorce”, or some variation, it’s hard to remember, it’s a blur. The shock and emptiness I felt, the fear I tried to push to the back of my mind, the tears I couldn’t hold in. This is Day 1, it’s a hard day. Harder ones are coming, so are better ones.
February 21, 2021. It’s time to tell the kids. It’s a Sunday. I’m sick to my stomach. It’s day 31. March 22, 2021. It’s moving day for me. The truck comes, gets my “half” and packs it up. I spend the night alone in my new place. It’s day 60. The kids come, the kids go. The days add up. Mediation, emails, Easter, texts, tears, summer. Days go by, 100 something. June 23rd tear meniscus. July 15th surgery.
July 27th, 2021. Waiting on hold on the phone. I ask if anyone’s there, just one voice. Hers, also waiting. Judge comes on, goes through the process. Divorce final. Day 187. Over half way there.
August, Birthday month. Turn 39. Moving forward. August 31, 2021. I’m told about why. It sucks, it hurts, it’s crushing. Day 222. I collect myself, reset my focus, and make a list to accomplish by my 40th birthday. I start a blog. I’m feeling better. I’m back at Church, I’m telling my kids and parents I love them, I’m thinking about my future more and more and my past less and less. I travel for a month. I pass day 300. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years. It’s a new year for everyone else, but I’m not at 365 yet, but it’s close.
January 21, 2022. It’s day 365, and today I’m closing on my new house, which is now my home. It’s cold outside, but I’m warm inside. It’s been a year, a tough year. But I’m moving forward. I’m closer with my kids and my parents. I’ve made a lot of new friends, gotten closer with some old ones, and had to let some go. My body and soul were hurt and brought to their weakest points, but they are both getting stronger each day. Tough times don’t last, but tough people do. I know I’m tough.
I knew I wanted to be a homeowner again, to give my kids that stability so they could have the rest of their childhood in one place. I needed to get the school situation figured out before I could do that, and when that happened in the Fall, I began to think about moving on this goal. It happened quickly. In early December I reached out to my mortgage lender Vicki and my realtor Jenny, and figured out what I could afford and what I was looking for. Within a week I had made an offer on a house that checked all my boxes, and that same day it was accepted. My original requested closing was the end of the month of January. The sellers countered with the 21st of January, I accepted. It wasn’t until later the next day when it hit me. That day was the 365th day of being on the path of “divorce”.
I couldn’t have picked a more symbolic day. But I didn’t pick it, it just worked out that way. If you believe in luck or coincidence, that was it. But I believe it was something more than that. To me it was a reminder, a sign. I believe in my heart that God was using this symbolic date to make sure I understood that he has plans for me, and my family. “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11.
I close on my house today, day three hundred and sixty five of the longest year of my life. I’ll go to bed tonight and say a prayer of thanks. Tomorrow is a new day, a new year. It’s day 1 of the rest of my life. It’s me and my kids, my family and friends. There’s room for more, and I look forward to meeting them. I accomplished my 9th goal, I bought a house, and I’m making it our home.
