40 By 40 #14: Play Volleyball At A Higher Level
Just last week I was feeling a little bit down as I realized that it had been a long time since I had written about any of my goals, and was behind on my desire to hit 40 things by my 40th birthday. To break that slump I just pushed myself to make writing about writing about a goal my next goal. It helped remind me that I had accomplished a lot since last summer, and that things were going much better for me then my count might have suggested. This week I got another reminder of the progress I’ve made on a major area of my life that I had felt I was failing at, my physical health.
One big part of my life that I have really wanted to focus on has been my weight and my health. Last summer I tore my meniscus which required surgery. I felt at my lowest point physically that I have ever been at. I lost a lot of mobility, and my weight was as high as it had ever been. I have always had that struggle, but as I’ve gotten older, it’s continued to affect me. Losing weight and getting into better shape have been on my list in various forms that I’ve been trying to work on as part of my 40 by 40. I’ve been able to make a little bit of progress, but it’s been an area where I feel I’ve really struggled to get a lot of traction.
One specific goal I’ve really battled with is to lose weight. I have set a number in mind, that of course last year when I set it seemed much more manageable because I had so much time to work on it. I would grow increasingly frustrated though because as hard as I’d try, I would keep losing and gaining the same 10–15 pounds. I’d try different workout routines, but pain would cause me to have to stop them. I’d try different diet plans, but my history of emotional eating and struggles with depression would sabotage me. This is nothing new for me, but it’s really been hard on me.
As part of this overall goal, I’ve tried setting some smaller goals that I’ve been working on. I have already written about how I started playing volleyball again after about a decade long hiatus. That’s something I’ve been continuing since the winter, playing every week. I’ve also tried to walk consistently. I’ve done some different routines when it comes to working out, but what I’ve settled on more recently is just doing sets of push ups and squats in groups of 10 throughout the day at home. I haven’t written about those really yet, but they are goals I’m working on.
What I’m all getting to here, is that because I was so solely focused on a scale number as my indicator of progress, I wasn’t really understanding how much progress I was making physically. What finally made me make this connection was achieving a goal I figured was months, if not at least a year away, playing volleyball at a much higher level.
As I said, I had been playing volleyball since the winter on a weekly basis. I had to miss a week here and there when I had a trip, but it’s been pretty consistent. When I started playing again in November, I started playing on a team that was at a level consistent to what I had played in the past. 6 players, coed, intermediate level. When I played when I was younger, I was pretty good at this level. My age and athleticism made it easier for me to move around and I was very confident. We just played for fun and no one really had any past experience so it wasn’t really ever something we were looking to move up to a different level with.
When I restarted, I was older, in worse shape, and coming off an injury. I was lucky to hold my own, let alone be one of the better players. As I’ve continued to play, I still have not regained what I would’ve considered to be my form from my 20s. I still am slower, I can’t really jump, but I feel like I am improving. As each week goes by, I will sometimes watch some of the higher leagues, and think to myself it would be fun to get myself into better physical shape so that I could be competitive at a higher level like I know I could’ve done in the past. But I still didn’t have that confidence yet, to think that I’d be able to handle that at this point.
Over the last few months, I have started to notice that although I still get sore after my games or moving around more, that I have been feeling better physically. By doing lots of walking and daily squats I had been working on my leg strength. I am part of a Facebook page for the location that runs the volleyball leagues I’m a part of. People will post on this page when they need subs for games, among other announcements. On Monday morning I was feeling good, my kids had no sports that night and were not with me. I saw someone post saying they needed a sub for that night. So I responded that I could do it.
I’ve done that a few times before, subbed when I’ve had a free night and the opportunity was there. It’s always been for a league similar to mine. This time, when I asked about the details, I realized this was a bit different. This was King/Queen Quads. I still don’t know all the lingo, but basically this means it’s still coed, but it’s 4 instead of 6. Also, it’s the A level. So basically I realized I just volunteered to sub at the level I had thought would be a good goal for me to try maybe in 6 months to a year. I was immediately nervous and all the inner voices in me screamed to make up some excuse and back out. But somewhere I felt another voice just telling me to show up.
I’m glad I listened to that one voice. We played 4 games, which was 1 more than the 3 I was used to playing. And with 4 players instead of 6, and with the higher skill set, I had to make myself move more on that court in that hour then I realistically have moved for at least a year, since probably when I was doing the fitness camps I hurt my knee at last summer. I was dying. I was out of breath, my shirt was completely soaked through. My teammates were incredibly gracious and patient with me as they were trying to explain basic strategy and positions to me that I didn’t even realize existed. I actually had to make myself jump. A lot. I’m not sure how high I actually got. I’m sure it felt a lot higher to me than anyone watching would say. I had some decent hits, mostly because I’ve learned to rely on clever placement, not on any power. I made plenty of mistakes, but not as many as I was afraid I would’ve.
Our team lost all 4 games, but all were very close. I don’t think that was my fault, at least not all my fault. Maybe it was. If that was the case my teammates were nice enough to not make me feel that way. When I was leaving, I had just enough energy to take one picture of myself, because I had to at least capture the moment. By the time I got home I was so sore. I watched some tv, and then when it was time to go upstairs, I felt like Frankenstein. I was able to get up the stairs, take a shower, and get into bed. The next morning was a bit rough as well. But I got myself up and got my coffee and as the day went on I felt better. I’m writing this less than 48 hours after my game. I still can feel it in my shoulders, legs, and feet. But it’s a good feeling.
I am not ready to do this at this level on a regular basis. My body cannot yet handle it this often, and it wouldn’t be fair to teammates to have to carry me this much on a regular basis. But for me personally it was a huge milestone. It’s a reminder to me that my hard work is paying off. Although I’m not hitting every goal or number I’ve been trying to, my efforts are having positive results. Just as importantly I’ve been rediscovering my competitive spirit I had when I was younger and active in sports. I am having a blast playing volleyball on a regular basis, and I continue to meet awesome new people.
If any of my volleyball teammates read this, I want to thank you for sharing these experiences with me. I hope you’re having as much fun as I am! Also, if you were one of my teammates from this particular experience, thank you for being patient with me! For everyone else, I hope this can help you in some way to continue pushing towards some of your goals that maybe you’ve had for a while but have always felt were just a little too far out of reach. You might be closer to them than you think.
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