40 By 40 #13: Write About Another Goal
It’s been almost 11 months since I sat on that pier and decided to try and accomplish 40 goals by my 40th birthday. In some ways it feels like that was just yesterday, and that time has just flown by. At the same time it feels like it was a lifetime ago. There are some days I look at where I’m at and am very proud of myself and how much better I feel and how much ground I’ve covered. There are other days where I feel like I haven’t moved an inch.
When I started the process, I began with some very fundamental anchoring steps. It was about going back to my base of faith and family. Acknowledging that God was a source of strength for me and not of blame. Recognizing that although I had lost a primary source of love and support in my life, I still had family around me in my parents and children and I needed to remind myself of that.
Once I had my anchors set again, my next focus was establishing normalcy for my kids. That took its shape in finding a house for them. It was also getting our pictures taken, and then displayed in that home, as a reminder that this is where our family now is. It was having a fun Christmas, and going on a trip. It was just creating our new normal and helping them just be kids again and not have to carry the weight that I felt.
I also was trying to focus on getting back to finding things that I loved, and building back some kind of identity for myself as a single man. I obviously love traveling, so getting out and going places was a big part of that. I’ve done that several times since. Also getting back into volleyball which was something I really enjoyed in the past, which I’ve now been playing weekly since the winter. I got my tattoo that reminds me to keep rising out of ashes and not laying in them. I worked with a life coach to help me identify ways I can improve and become a better person.
When I lay it all out like this I feel a lot better than when I started writing this goal. Having set out to do 40 things, and having only written about 12, I was feeling pretty down about falling so short. That’s why I said, you need to make writing another goal as your next goal!
The issue isn’t that I haven’t accomplished anything else. I actually have done things that I have been meaning to write about. I knew when I started this that it was going to be emotional to write and share goals as I accomplished them. However I underestimated how emotional it would be. As I’ve gone through the process of sitting down and putting my experiences into words, I’ve had to take numerous breaks because it exhausts me. I’ve continued the process because at the end I believe it is beneficial to me. It is part of the healing process to write and share my progress. I have also been inspired by the amount of people who have reached out to me to share their support, as well as their own stories about having gone through similar events in their own lives.
Another problem I’ve encountered is one I predicted would probably happen almost immediately. Accomplishing 40 significant goals in a 1 year (actually slightly less) time period is a pretty intimidating goal for someone in a healthy place in their life. For someone in my position it was pretty much setting myself up to fail. I have felt many times as I’ve gotten close to my birthday that I have failed. If I was in the place I was a year ago, I would accept it as failure and wallow in it and be miserable. But I’m not in that place anymore. Because I have grown significantly this last year I am able to look at where I am in this process not as a failure, but as a success.
Growth is not defined by meeting a set number of goals in a set number of days. Sure, it helps to try to keep us on track by setting measurable goals with deadlines, but success is not defined solely by that. I’m not a quitter. That’s something I’ve learned about myself in my life. Sure I’ve “quit” things in the sense that I haven’t had the same job, or the same house, or the same wardrobe forever. But I don’t just walk away from something easily. I’m continuing my journey. I will accomplish 40 goals to improve myself. I will turn 40 in a better place then I was when I turned 39. I will continue during my 40th year on this earth setting goals, accomplishing them, and pushing myself to write and share about what I’m doing. I hope it continues to inspire some of you, or entertain at least, although ultimately it’s for me and my kids.
So for goal number 13, I finally wrote and accomplished my next goal, writing and accomplishing goal 13.
If you are enjoying following me on my journey, like and follow 40 By 40 on Facebook.
